I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
