I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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