okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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