never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
