the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
