Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
