She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
