I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
