She said her name was "party"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
