Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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