I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
