Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
