Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
