What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A+ Viking dick
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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