bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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