I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
