Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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