Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
