Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
