We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
