that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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