i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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