your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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