Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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