I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
