Already got asked if we're dating
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
