i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
