Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
