shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
