i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
