Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I touched a dick in church today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize