So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
