This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
