meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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