u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
