Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
