mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
