There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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