Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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