dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
