I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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