: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
