I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
