But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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