and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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