we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
