I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
