If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
