he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
