Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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