when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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