I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
