His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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