I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
