oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
