I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
