Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
