My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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