Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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