Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
