We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
