someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
