Taylor Swift is so right about you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
