Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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