i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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