I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love having hate sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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