what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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