so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
