JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
