once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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