Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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