She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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