i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
