You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
