Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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